imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
