I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
