My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize