worst night to have a conscience
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
