is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize