new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
