How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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