I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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