At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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