i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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