What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
