Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
