In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
