She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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