I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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