Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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