I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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