Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
