After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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