shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
