please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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