I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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