Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
