I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
