So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
