I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
