He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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