Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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