You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
MIDGETS
????
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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