He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize