I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
