I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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