And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
