have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
