i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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