Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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