If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
