when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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