Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
