My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
