physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
