My sheets look like a crime scene.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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