i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
