I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize