I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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