you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
