you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
