if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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