So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
