You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
