I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
