I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
