OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
