i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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