I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
