i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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