it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
