Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
