hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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