I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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