More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we're making bets on your personal life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
