Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
