And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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