i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
