Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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