I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We named our party play list daddy issues
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
