don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize