Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i came on her dog
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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