i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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