i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
