Duck Duck Cougar?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
