I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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