chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
