remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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