I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
