I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He did a backflip because drugs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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