she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
