matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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