Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
