While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
