I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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