I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
