The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize