How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
