then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
