hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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