I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
