I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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