ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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