My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
