We named our party play list daddy issues
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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