Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
