Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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