Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
