Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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