I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
