I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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