no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize