how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
