Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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